Fiber!

I think I ate too much fruit & veggies today. Is that possible? Yeah my body is definitely telling me it is :/ I went over on my points again today bt its because I didn't plan my day till about noon foodwise and at hat point I'd already spent 14 of my 33 points on my breakfast of sprite, plain bagel and plain cream cheese....hmmm *SMACK* to the forehead is what I did. So I spent the rest of my meals on salad, ham sandwich w/wheat bread, yogurt, SF pudding, and V8 fusion juice....I also have a massive headache tonight...can a person detox from chocolate? I think I am..

I need to plan my meals, like and activities. I dearly miss being on a schedule...never knew how much!

Have you ever wondered why you find yourself seeking approval from certain people? I have. There are a few people who I just want to be the best I can be around them and how a simple "Thank You" or "That's Sweet" can totally transform your day and/or your outlook. Why do we need that sense of approval? That sense of accomplishment? That sense of pride? Why is that something we never grow out of?

This journey has been nothing short of questions....questions I haven't yet found the answers to but here I go in search of answers even if they produce yet again more questions...

I love me.
I love my life.
I love my family.
I love my friends.

I'll take "LATER" for 10 please Alex...

Yesterday was tough. Real tough.

Everyone says that it'll get harder sooner or later...that it won't always be this easy and you won't be that easily motivated. I just wish that I could have chose later rather then sooner.

I lost all my momentum. I lost all my confidence. I lost all my faith. Thankfully I still have plenty of WP to make up for the emotional eating I did. Which lead me to realize I do a lot of that. I focused on my studies trying to get my mind re-focused. I focused on working out and keeping busy. Nothing was working...I was a MESS!

Thankfully though by midnight I was talked out and refreshed and well just plain tired so I was able to sleep it off.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and like a weight had been lifted, if even only temporarily, and ready to start over again with my goal back in mind!

ONWARD!

P.S. Luv u friends ;)

When we get comfortable we get lazy.

"We all have our fears. The problem with how we look at fears today is that it keeps us from taking action and creating the life we really want. Fear isn’t dangerous, unless you make it so. The fear of fear is scarier than the actual fear." - Unknown

Ever wonder why it's so hard to break from a routine? I have and it is one word: FEAR. I fear what will happen if I break out of that 'comfort' zone. I fear what people will think of me when I'm not who they want me to be. I fear who I will be when I finally become the person I know I am...

In life we all struggle to please everyone but rarely do we struggle to please ourselves. What makes us happy? Making other people happy? I used to believe that, and I believed that with everything I had. However, over the years I've learned that it isn't always the case...sometimes by making other people happy you forget about who the person is that is doing it.

High school was honestly probably the worst time in my life and those four years, along with the people in my life during those years, shaped me into who I am today. Good and Bad. I hate how kids struggle with their weight and get made fun of DAILY because of it. Sometimes by kids who don't even know what they are saying or why they are saying it but they follow the "cool kids" becuase they too struggle to fit in. I wish just one jock or popular kid who instead of making fun of me in school would have been like hey...wanna join me in a workout? Or do you need some help? But as I get older I realized they had fear too. It's a competition of who's fear is bigger then the next. Who, when they have everything, wants to risk loosing it? I never tried out for sports. Even though I wanted to be part of a team more then anything in school. I wanted to have a group of friends that I could trust and count on, something to look forward to, something for my family to watch and be proud of me for. But I didn't "I was too fat". I wanted to wear the latest trends and have something to talk about, but I didn't have the money and I couldn't shop in the same stores, becuase "I was too fat". I wanted to go to dances and proms and parties but I couldn't because I never got asked, becuase "I was too fat". Instead, I did band. That was all I ever did. I ate lunch in the band room becuase there I wouldn't get food thrown at me or people asking if I wanted their piece of cake becuase they simply just couldn't eat it. I stayed after school in the band room because I had nowhere to go after. I helped as much in the band room because it's a place where I felt like I could belong. A place where I fit in ... I had a huge fear of just standing up and saying ... HEY I'M HUMAN TOO. Funny thing is...it hasn't changed. I still have a fear of the kids I went to school with. I still have nothing in common with them. I don't have a husband, or even a boyfriend, I don't have kids, I don't even have the same friends I had in school. Fear kept me away from the 10 year reunion. Why? Because I hadn't changed. I hadn't changed physically (other then getting bigger) and I hadn't changed emotionally and I just didn't want to hurt. It'll be different next time. Next time I'll be the person I should have been back in 1994 when I was a freshman. I won't let the name like "Brenda the fenda benda" get to me because I know that they are doing that to make themselves feel better. Yeah I laughed...hahaha....I laughed because I was hoping that if I laughed and they saw that it didn't bother me they'd stop but in reality it just made them think it was okay, and in reality every night when I got home I cried. I cried because I just didn't understand why I was so different. Why I couldn't be like everyone else.

I didn't have the support at home. I love my parents but they were just like me ... how are they suppose to help me when they didn't even help themselves? I've also realized that the nothing in this life is handed to you ... at least nothing that you deserve. So with that "ah-ha" moment...this is why i've decided to do this now. I'm doing it. Noone else. I'm not doing it FOR anyone else. I'm not doing it BECAUSE of anyone else. This is my time to be important. This is my time to be the person I've worked hard to be!

I'm still fearful. If I'm not fearful then I'm not doing a good enough job at it. I overcame fear number 1 but asking people to keep me honest and to read this...if anyone reads this after the initial day, I don't know, but it doesn't matter...I overcame the fear of asking for help. I asked those that I hardly talk to, those that are closest to me, and even those that used to treat me bad in school. I overcame that, and I've even realized that it wasn't that bad and even have gotten support for people I never expected to. With that hurdle I was able to move on to the next fear to tackle. Fear is just a wall you have to break down to see the other side. Once you break it down YOU get to decide if you want to go there or not....but FIRST you have to break it down!

-Brenda

"“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson"


SIDE NOTE: I'm sure that sometimes in this blog some people will read this and shake their head and ask themselves what I was thinking or if I'm crazy...other times people will realize things they had no idea what I had been dealing with. I'm not writing this out of pity or attention. This is simply a place for me to write down what's in my head so that it leaves room for better more productive things and I decided to do it publicly becuase for me...if no one sees it, or has the potential to see it...it never really leaves and gets resolved.

I remember when mornings were so easy.

530am alarm was early. However, I didn't roll over and go back to sleep! YAY for me :) I did get up and read some of my books I need to for school then I got up and did my 30 minute workout with my wii. YAY again for me! I already had 24 ounces of water and a snack with my workout. Now I'm getting ready to go make breakfast and start my day! I love having a routine ...

I decided that I really want to be able to run. I think it's something I would love to do and I have some friends that would rather run anywhere then drive so I'm going to start my training in combination with my February challenge.

First off I need to do the 8-week program to get started into running...then i'll move on to the 3 weeks to 30-minutes if I haven't successfully done the 8-week program but i'm suppose to be able to do 30 minutes after the 8-week program. Then I'll do the 8-week training program to run your first 5k.

I'm aiming for a September/October 5k race...haven't found one that I want to do but who knows I might be ready to run one sooner...if anyone wants to run one with me or already runs one each year let me know!

Beginning Program:

Before you start your workouts, make sure you warm up properly by walking for 5-10 minutes. You should always end your workout with a cooldown.


Week one: Walk for 6 minutes, then jog at an easy pace for 1 minute. Repeat 3 times. Aim for three sessions with that same sequence for week one.

Week two: Walk for 5 minutes, then jog for 2 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim to do three sessions in week two.

Week three: Walk for 3 minutes, then jog for 4 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Aim for four sessions in week three.

Week four: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 5 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Shoot for four of those sessions in week four.

Week five: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 8 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Do four of those sessions in week five.

Week six: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 9 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Try to do four sessions for week six.

Week seven: Walk for 1 minute, then jog for 11 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Do four sessions this week.

Week eight: Congratulations on making it to week eight! For your first run this week, try walking for 5 minutes to begin and end the workout, and run for 20 minutes in between. By the end of the week, try to run for 30 minutes without stopping.

Aim to run for 30 minutes four times a week, and you'll notice that your stamina and fitness will continue to improve. Soon you'll be ready to run your first 5K!

Tips:

1. Use your breathing as your guide when running. You should be able to carry on a conversation while running and your breathing shouldn't be heavy.
2. Follow these tips for proper running form .
3. Drink water at the end of your workouts to rehydrate. If it's hot and humid, you should also drink some water (about 4-6 ounces) halfway through your workout.

Day 1 in review

So I just found out that a Long Island Ice Tea drink is 6 points....OHHHHH Boy i'm in trouble...

I did fairly well today I got almost all my water in and only went over my points by 4 (which means I just to take 4 points out of my weekly bank) so that's okay...

Did my exercise and now i'm doing some homework and hitting the bed! Sleep is just as important as water!!!

EXTREME (workout) Makeover - 40 miles in February

EXTREME (workout) Makeover - 40 miles in February

Now, I know some of my friends could do this in a day as if it was as easy as putting on a pair of underwear...me however??? It's going to take a bit!

I joined this challenge through a weigh watchers group today. So starting on Monday I'll pledge to do 40 miles in February! (Is this year a leap year?) hehe

If there is anyone else that wants to take this challenge up with me here is the rules:

Make your body, YOUR VALENTINE this year... This challenge is miles… lots of us run/walk and thought… what better way to get out there and do more then to set a MILEAGE goal/challenge. So… <<<<>>>> (you can count swimming too – but sorry biking doesn’t count for this challenge)

SIMPLE huh? well then let's get started! Who's with me?!?!?

WW Day 1

So I'm pretty sure that I need to set my blogger as my homepage in order for me to remember that i should update it daily! To bad we can't have life as a homepage!

Well this morning I started back up at Weight Watchers...I needed a program that works for me ... and it does ... I have proven it before ... I just did not prove that I paid attention when I was on it so when I was off it I would not fall off the wagon. So here I go again...ONE MORE TIME...hopefully for the last time but I'm not going to say anything.

My official first weigh in was 275.6 pounds... hmm well at least I'm still below the last time I started so NSV for me!! By the way NSV = Non Scale Victory. They now not only have the original 10% goal but they offer a 5% goal for those of us that get frustrated before that 10% goal... we just don't get the keychain but it's okay at least I will know I accomplished a goal :)

5% goal is 13 pounds
10% goal is 27 pounds

Give or take as I rounded down :) I wonder if I can pull of some Biggest Loser stuff and reach my 5% next Wednesday am??? HEHE

I'm also glad to see that they brought back the Mint Cookie Crisp bars ... those are awesomely good...but addicting so I need to make sure that I only have them as a treat :)

I'm allowed to have 33 points worth of food in a day. I also have a weekly bonus points of 35 that I can use throughout the week for the days when I want to have an extra "drink" or a really good homecooked meal :) I also will earn activity points that I can choose to eat or not eat depending on my activity workout!

So there ya have it peeps....my first day back on the wagon...hope someone made sure the wheels were tight so I didn't fall off!

I'll leave you with my quote for the day:

"You may delay, but time will not" - Benjamin Franklin

Just a quick post to say that I hope I can update this more.... not that anyone ACTUALLY reads it....

oh and at this point in time.... I'M LOVING LIFE!!! but I know that at any point it can be snatched away from me so I'm just hoping to enjoy it and take care of all the feelings of insecurity :)

Au Revoir '09

Goodbye 2009

This has been a year of accomplishments, challenges, struggles, laughter and tears. I want nothing more than this year to be over and locked away but I don’t want to ever forget the lessons in which I have learned. I’ve had to forever say goodbye to family and friends with just the promise they are in a better place and someone needed them more. I’ve made new friends and made up with old. I challenged myself to step up and take a stand on what I believe and KNOW I can do. I’ve failed miserably at some things but I’ve found I’ve exceeded at others.

There are of course new goals for 2010 and maybe some goals from 2009 that needed to be tweaked for a second try. I’ve realized that in order to truly find love I needed to be the person I really am. I can’t be someone they want me to be because then they will never love me for me. I’ve learned that I don’t really know who I am but I know who I’m not. Perhaps part of loving me will be understanding that I have no idea why I do what I do sometimes but that’s me, I don’t always have the answers but I try real hard and everything I do… I do from my heart … that always happens to be worn on my sleeve. I’ve tried really hard to break down some walls I’ve had up and while I didn’t succeed at that very much I definitely made a few holes to hopefully continue with the process in 2010. With the right people and support surrounding me I honestly believe that I’m on my way to a path where I’ll get most of my dreams…not all but that is okay because without dreams you don’t live.

I’ve learned to compromise without compromising who I am. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to be wrong then right. I’ve learned that sometimes when the blinding sun gets in your eyes and forces you to slow down -- you see something that you never noticed before was always there. I’ve learned that a good true conversation with no ulterior motives is the best medicine. I’ve learned that something as simple as a hug can solve most problems or at least provide a good start.

So to all of you, I wish you a safe and happy evening with your loved ones. I wish you a year full of laughter and lessons. A year in which you grow and look back going DAMN…that was a good year! To all my friends that are in my life today here’s a BIG thank you…you all know who you are… I couldn’t have done it without you….the good or the bad. LOL <3

-Brenda